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IAHGames.com marks the much-anticipated release of Bioshock 2 with this whacky write-up... We’ve all been there, reading the news or just walking down the street, and then seeing genetically modified psychos addicted to Adam (or some metaphorical equivalent). Yes, they are for real... The following perpetrators possess all-consuming addictions to unnecessary things (i.e. not food, water, or shelter) and can cause blatant harm to society as a whole. So who are the Splicers of our world?
Gluttons
Cripplingly addicted to: Moving only to eat Harm caused to society: See picture
Relentless consumption is the heart and soul of a Splicer. Gluttony is the same. Enough said.
Freeloaders
Cripplingly addicted to: Anything, as long as they’re not paying Harm caused to society: Always adding an extra charge on your tab
You know this one. They are always around but always seem to forget their wallet, their credit card, and their conscience. Popular phrases include “Dude I got next time”, or “It’s ok, we’re close – you know I’ll get you back.” Never mind that they make more than you, spend more time out than you, and live in a nicer place than you – as long as they leave you with enough cash to grab Bioshock 2, you’ll forgive them.
American Investment Bankers
Cripplingly addicted to: Money Harm caused to society: Current financial crisis
The Splicers of Rapture ruined their perfect city trying to hoard as much Adam as they could without regard to manners, morality, or human life. Last year, American investment bankers managed to ruin the entire world’s financial system while trying to hoard as much money as they possibly could, without regard to manners, morality, or human life. Can you find any difference between them? I can’t!!
Terrorists
Cripplingly addicted to: Blowing stuff up IRL (VERY uncool) Harm caused to society: Immeasurable
The terrorists’ penchant for blowing up anyone and anything that doesn’t fit into their perfect idea of the world is a huge problem for the rest of us. Their thoughtless acts have resulted in racial and religious tensions worldwide, complete destruction to peoples’ lives, and most of all, the humiliation and red tape we undergo at all customs checkpoints.
Given that there’s no reasoning with them, and they never make any demands other than “join us or die,” they are our ultimate real-life Splicers. |
